I am planning my next smoke.
The cigarettes are singing their siren songs to me.
They insist that I can have just one.
Their smell is wafting to me on the wind.
I can almost taste them.
It will be like handcuffing myself for the next ten years; to a chain named "holding me back".
Somewhere some part of me thinks it will be the best way of letting go of one broken relationship - start a different unhealthy relationship.
I will award me for my bravery and punish me for my grief.
That is my standard operating procedure when I'm in charge of the care and keeping of me.
It will remain my unchanging course of action if I do not let my higher power guide me.
They whisper to me that they don't matter, they are not alcohol, at most they are the lesser of two evils; better to give in to them than the bottle.
I cry "Falsehood" - they are one domino among many between me and my next drink.
Infinently better to place my God given defenses between me and that next smoke, for beyond that my defenses can easily be uncertain.
~Please take away this obsession of the mind, so I do not initiate my physical craving. Please give me the power to get out of the way and invite you in. Amen~
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