My Birthday was on Monday

I just realized that I'm letting my journal fall by the wayside again (I didn't know that "journaling" isn't a word... I really thought it was.  Hmm... /shrug/).  I have been doing my poetry though, so I don't know if that makes up for it, or if that is just sufficient enough not to berate myself about it.

Either way, I know that I've been able to share my feelings in my poetry, which has not been the case for the past two years, and that the Blogging helped, as I hoped it would.

Right now, I've been using the tools found in my art groups for inspiration and that is a new feeling, instead of just being dictated to by my errant muse.  I'm putting some effort into my pieces, and being proactive, which I guess is a theme.  I need to be more proactive across the board in my life.

~I'm listing.  Thanks for continuing to guide me. Amen~

Sitting with tears in my eyes.

I know that I want to write.  I want to grow. I want to smile.  I just am not sure how to get there.  Sometimes I feel like I might have a grasp on my "muse" and then it's gone.  Sometimes I feel like everything is finally going well, and then another "bump in the road" happens.  I now have about one out of every seven days where I am "up".  I really want that to be a larger number.  I don't feel like I'm asking for too much.  I don't need seven out of seven days "up".

I even tried downloading an app to access my art page, and it didn't work out like I had hoped.

I know there are days where I am so inspired.  My mother told me to start on my business plan now, and the thoughts I've been thinking and the plans I've been planning in my mind for the past few years, unfolded like those "Magic Dino's" that come in capsules where you just add water.  I didn't realize, until I had "permission" to start thinking of my B&B as being in the near future rather than the far off (when I grow up) future, that I had so much already grown in my head.  My dreams are not as hazy as I thought they were.

So I'm sitting here sad, and happy, and scared.

~Please show me. Please guide me. Thank you for making me. Amen~