"Half way through 2012 and I'm amazed at where I've ended up. I knew in December that life was going in a whole new direction, but I never expected this."
When I look through all of my posts I hear the same feeling expressed time and again. There is a pattern at work, clearly. The more I do what is against my basic nature the better life gets. Yet the better life gets the more off-balance I feel, the more at-risk I am. The more I have to lose, the more my basic nature screams out for control, for security. There is not security in happiness for me. There is a strong foundation and clear understanding in pain, and loss, and loneliness. There is a familiarity in those. This happiness an this blessing-filled life is new, and wonderful, and I'm going to keep going for it, but in the meantime, my basic nature is hungry for blood, and doesn't believe that anything else can sustain us.
